Insatiable

Time flies really fast. Just finished reading this blog from the very first post and Thank God (I think) I've slightly evolved in many aspects: the way I write, the things I talk about, and also my perspective in life. I feel a bit ashamed of some posts I wrote earlier because most of them are plain stupid, immature, and ridiculous. Well I was a teenage kid back then! However, I am so grateful that at least I have this blog as a portrait of my life in the past 5years. Although I strongly believe that it'd be great to delete half of this blog contents to save my image as "Chekka" today (I know I'm not a celebrity but image is important to most people!), but instead, I think I'd just let it stay here forever. Maybe those stupid posts could give me a hard laugh when I turn 30, remembering how unbelievably stupid I was back in the days. :)

People change a lot.

It's true. Our look, our appearance, our thoughts, even our taste (in music, fashion, anything) could change 180degree. Not only because we're aging, our experiences and experiments in life could affect it all too. And this is one of the best thing that makes us laugh at each other, remembering how ugly we were in the highschool or how cheesy we were to cry over M2M's The Day You Went Away or, the worst case, how we could lose our mind to fall head over heels with a poor boy next door. It's actually the thing that I enjoy the most in life, hence I've always kept my diaries from time to time. The last journal I have is from my ex-boyfriend, and ironically I used it as the only place to share my rant about him and also to share my hopes, dreams, and expectations about another man I fancied. He never knew it though, unless he reads this blog now. And if I was cruel enough, I'd just tell you guys how I often wonder why I really loved him three years ago.

Lovers will come and go.

I used to spend hours thinking about how we could love someone so badly until at one point, pufffff, the feeling's gone. All the infatuation is vanished into thin air, and it's just like waking up next to a person you don't know. Where did the love go? How could we just stop feeling all the love and lust we used to share with our (previously) loved one? In spite of the fact that I've actually found the answer from the triangular theory of love that explains every single components in relationships until someone comes to a commitment, I feel insatiable. And I think that's the answer: insatiable needs for love.

We're all insatiable. We tend to look/fight for better things, try to be a better person, be with a better significant other, and live a better life. That could be good, but on the other side, that could be scary too. A man decided to marry another woman (or have multiple wives) because he thinks his first wife couldn't satisfy him or any other stupid excuses. A girl decided to adopt a new pet because her old one is no longer as cute as she/he was before. A young professional decided to resign from his/her work after 5 years being devoted to the company because he/she simply wants to get a better placement and payroll. And many other examples in our daily life. We're all insatiable, we all want to pursue our highest expectations and wildest dreams. Therefore we need to improve, we need to upgrade hell loads of things in life, we need to do some replacements and improvements in life to make all our hopes and dreams come true.

But we have to remember, there are two opposites in life: success and failure. It's a success if we end up liking and/or enjoying what we get today, it could be a failure if the outcome of every efforts and pains we've been through doesn't taste quite as good as we expect it to be. The "failure" occurs when we're defeated by our insatiable needs.

I'm insatiable. I look towards something that I don't have in someone else's life. I looked for 'something' in other guys that my boyfriend didn't have. My criterion for an eligible boyfriend evolved over time. Sadly, this insatiable needs have shaped me into a disgraceful sick girl who always blame life for being so unfair. And it is one good example why I said this could be scary. Acceptance is bullshit, but we need it.

I lost my point. What was I going to talk about? Oh well.